FAREWELL, CAREER IN POLITICS!

32 Contenders. 1 Winner. And since Rahm Emanuel is involved…

NO MERCY

In case you were wondering, yes, that IS a Mortal Kombat Obama Administration March Madness Bracket. And, YES, to answer your other question, I will be spending the next four years updating this chart, adding personalized weapons, providing fight previews, and revising bureaucratic matchups when necessary. So I really hope you like it. And if you don’t…

I WILL FINISH YOU.

ACCOUNTABILITY WATCH

Since “be more realistic” isn’t a resolution of mine this year, I avoided including “eat fewer donuts” on this chart because of the negative skew factor.

Where:

1=Worry less
2=Stave off desire for tattoo
3=Learn about wine
4=Blog more
5=Watch Battlestar Galactica
6=Bake a successful souffle
7=Do not kill basil plant
8=Develop rainy day fund
9=Spend rainy day fund on trip to Europe
10=Close blinds before hosting underwear dance party
11=Buy more grass-finished beef and cage-free eggs
12=Become high-level foreign policy wonk